domdavis.com

OK, lots of stuff about the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) on the internetwebz and how the boffins are going to destroy the universe with thier smashing of small things into other small things. In case you’re wondering how it’s all going there is a lovely site over at http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/ (if you’re a geek check out the page source, there is feed in case the status changes and a money back warrenty if the world ends and the page doesn’t update) but el reg has pointed out that while they’ve turned on the super duper atom smasher they’ve not actually turned the knob up to 11 yet and that wont happen for a while. So we’re safe… for now. I wish to postulate, however, my theory, which is based on the Fermi Paradox. We’ll call it the Dom paradox and it states that if bofins from a civilisation and advanced as ours could destroy the universe then they would have done by now since it stands to reason that somewhere out there is a race of little green men also smashing atoms just to see what happens. All that is going to happen when they flick the switch for real is a lot of magnets will use a lot of electricity, a lot of very sensitive, very high tech kit will measure lots of very small things happening and draw lots of very pretty pictures on some computer monitors somewhere. If it exceeds expectations then a boffin somewhere might take his unlit pipe out of his mouth (cos we can’t smoke any more) and say ‘well done’.

These days we think of communication as words, either verbal or written, but communication started off as actions. Look at the animal kingdom and you’ll notice that, while animals may growl, hiss, squark or chirp, a lot can be determined from it’s posture and stance. We humans have this and it’s hard wired into us. There are simple, basic things, that we know and we don’t need to be taught. We see someone cry, we know they are sad, we see someone laugh, we know they are happy. But its not just abstract concepts like this that can be conveyed. Complex ideas can also be conveyed, and conveyed in such a manor that anyone of any language could understand, even our most primitive ansestors. The most obvious of these is the hopping around the bed going ‘ow’ dance. It’s not something concious, it’s embeded in our DNA and everyone, everyone knows that it means: “Fuck! I stubbed my toe!”

So I’m not saying it’s been a long time since my mother last came to visit me but I did have to point out that the nice young lady she’d spoken to last time she was here had burned the place to the ground and had since been put to death by the Romans. OK, so maybe I’m exaggerating but it’s been a waffly long time since she’s visited and we’ve never actually made it as far as going into town. Today that was put right with a brief stroll through town and a wonder round the castle museum to see the terracotta soldiers on display there (not the terracotta army, but similar, with smaller figures) and to play at being a Roman soldier, a Roman slace, an Roman thespian and a Norman soldier. Well, mum did, I didn’t.

I did laugh when, after taking the last photo, mum asked ‘These aren’t going on your blog are they?’. ‘Of course they are are’, I replied

Anyone else been getting a spate of these in thier RSS feeds?

So last week I went for a photoshoot with my dad and my step mum. It was cheap, fun and we would get 1 free print so I figured nothing ventured, nothing gained. Of course, buying any more stuff from them is… well, there is no polite way to put this: fucking expensive. I don’t think the guy doing the sales pitch was quite prepared for me. I’d given what I wanted some quite considerable thought and had a range of options depending on how good the photos were (basically take the freebie and run if they were naff, couple of largish ones if they were any good ones and a collection of images in a large frame or two if there were enough pictures to warrent it, plus a couple of small ones of my Dad) and my options were priced up, written down and the cost reconciled, sort of… ish.

So, I pitch up (my dad is not well so couldn’t make it), and we get given The Slide Show. It’s all very fancy with the best images selected and then every 4 slides or so one of the images is digitally put onto a wall in one of the frames. The pictures are already cropped to fit specific frames and all that is required is for you to deliberate over which ones to buy. Na-ah. I go through thousands of photos when I come off a shoot and I am VERY quick to judge. 2 minutes later and we’ve halved the selection to 15, and that was me being lenient. All the group and double shots sucked, except for one that is reasonable so I got that for my dad. Thankfully the shots of me came out quite well so we moved onto putting together a largish (24″ square) photo with 4 images in it, two with me with swords in black and white and two with me with glowsticks in colour. Next up there was a great square image of me with a sword and since the [reheally expensive] price includes all the digital touchup you require I spent 15 minutes explaining exactly what was going to go on there. Next up a picture of my dad. The problem was there were two really good ones so in the end I got both because it was [only] an another… erm… £lots. They were small pictures though so it wasn’t £extreme.

Then there was the panoramic one of me holding a sword and looking over the top of my shades inspecting the blade. I deliberated over it for the entire session. In the end I thought to hell with it. I was going to get a really big canvas print of one of my photos but I figured I’d get this instead. It’s not as large, and it’s more expensive, but I really liked it.

So, in total…. EEEEK! The addition of the two extra images has pushed the price into the realms of physically painful. That said, I now only have one wall in the house left that needs a any art and I’ll decide what to do with that in 4-6 weeks time when my phenominally expensive, very nicely framed, extremelly heavily post processed (I do this day in day out so I know exactly what to ask for and I want my monies worth, hell, I’ve paid for it) arrive and I can work out what would fit.

Standing at the station after tai chi I often get to watch the local chavs as they mill around the station (how dull must your life be if milling around a village station is evening fun?). They don’t bother me any more as I tend to look scary and I don’t react to any of their taunts (it’s easy to do the thousand yard stare when listening to music and not being able to hear them). Today a pair of them had broken away from the main group to the covered seat on the other platform where they were enjoying a sodium lamp lit dinner of takeaway chicken and chips for two. Bless, chav love. Being in their early to mid teens there is no doubt they are feeling the relentless tick of the biological clocks and are desperate to have their 2 brats and a council house by the age of 16. Still, at least they’re not mugging old ladies.

I decided today that I would toddle down to the retail park and go visit the electrical retailers there. This plan was kaiboshed about 5 minutes into it as the electrician phoned and asked if I was free in 25 minutes. Since the shopping could wait I said I was and promptly did an about face and returned home whereupon I discovered the power was out on the block (joy!). 10 minutes later it was back on and I was able to reset all the clocks and start a massive file transfer from one computer to another going again (25 hours over the wireless network. I only had 4 hours left when it died). The electrician turned up just as I was setting the last clock (coincidence?).

Anyway, he proceeded to put up my shiny new lights and put on the little glass shades. It was then I discovered I’d been sold the wrong bulbs. They fit the lights but not the shades so I’ll need to get some more. Thankfully they’re the same bulbs my bedside lights use so I have a lifetimes supply of those now.

I love my living room light. I think I’ll like the two bedroom lights when the glass shades are on. The hall light: not sure. It’s been put up straight which means the two arms are at a slight angle. It’s meant to be like this but I’m thinking it actually wants to go so the arms are straighter. Will have to have a ponder. It’s probably going to be quite easy to rotate it a bit if I need too. Anyway, it’s all a massive improvement over bare bulbs

People ask me, “Dom, how is it that you’re so good at photography?” and I tell them, “Because I’m better than you in every way”. Now, rather than walking away in a state of complete awe you can toddle over to Amazona Zoo and buy yourself a fridge magnet, tile or (new for this season) one of two mugs with my photos on them (one has a brace of puma pictures on it, one has a brace of jaguar pictures, all of them can be found over here somewhere). No, they don’t do online ordering, no you can’t get them anywhere else, yes you do have to go to the zoo to get them, no, I’m not going to get you in for free unless I’m there with you, yes, my step father is near crippled with arthritis after working so hard on this project that you may spend a few hours of your pathetic little lives looking at some stunning animals looked after by some amazing people and yes, every visit and every item sold will add a few pence to his hip replacement fund so that he no longer needs to spend every waking second in intense, agonising pain. Go! Now! Spend money there! Quickly!

Right. Sick to death of my old hob. I’m getting an induction hob. Now I need to troll round electrical retailers and find one I like (should be easy enough, I simply need to go ‘I have a hole this big, what is the best induction hob I can buy for this?’ and then pick the one that looks prettiest… what? Christ, I buy everything like that, even my flat!) I wonder if amazon do them….

When I was 7 or so (given I’m still 25 now we’re talking some 26 years ago so my memory is a bit vague) my step dad made me a display cabinet for my birthday. Actually, he told me he was making a box for his router bits and I helped him make it [by help I mean stood and watched and possibly passed a couple of things], but it tuns out that when it’s not lying on it’s back and has a bit of glass in the front it’s really a display cabinet.

I’ve displayed many things in my display cabinet, but generally the display only gets changed when I move as the glass is a nice thin peice of straigh cut glass that has bitten me on more then one occasion. It scares me so I try not to antagonise it.

When I moved into my current flat I put some hand carved wooden chess peices from Africa in there, some Myth and Magic peices and some Warhammer figures. The three don’t really sit well together and I’ve been looking for gorgeous things to put in there for quite some time now. The problem is, given the dimensions of each little compartment, finding stuff is proving to be hard. My last shopping trip where I bought some more nice glassware failed to yeild new items for the display cabinet because they were all too big. Not to worry, I have plenty of space for nice bits of glass in my flat In the end I decided that, given half of it was taken up with a chess set, I’d fill the rest up with chess sets and headed onto the internetweb to find ones I liked.

First stop, glass chess set. Wanted one of those for ages. Swarovski do a crystal one for £2,500. Amazon do a glass one for £7.99. The Swarovski one is nicer, but not several hundred times nicer. We went with the Amazon one

Second set was a limited edition Lord Of The Rings. Bit pricier but was courier delivered, guaranteed next day (aparently) as part of the price.

So, Monday came and went. No delivery

Tuesday arrived, the postman delivers… the glass chess set.

2 hours later the courier arrives with the Lord Of The Rings set.

The moral of the story? Always buy stuff from amazon. Anyway, I’m off to go arrange chess pieces in my display cabinet.