domdavis.com

Dear o2,

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but cold, wet or otherwise inclement weather has a detrimental effect on your network which is hugely noticable on the Norwich to London line. On a good day I can get a signal (albeit GPRS in some places) all the way from Colchester to London. We like this, especially since I do spend rather a lot of my train time MSNing a certain person. On a bad day I only get a signal when the train is parked under a mast and there are vast tracts of time where the dreaded ‘No Service’ appears. This makes MSN unusable and causes issue with other Internet related activities, to the detriment of my journey. I put it to you that many of your customers use this line (I see many an iPhone being used) and that, like me, they’d like some nice high speed data access, or even just to be able to send a text. So how’s about you go update your infrastructure along the line, put in some 3g masts and let me conduct my social life in all weathers.

Lots of love,

Dom

P.S. If you also put in a 3g mast 100m to the west of the 3 mast in Cromer I’ll even swap over to using you for my mobile broadband card.

Dear Lloyds TSB,

There is a rumour going round that you’re in talks to merge with HBOS. Please note that if this results in my banking with someone who’s adverts are as annoying as the Halifax ones I will leave and bank with someone else (does beg the question who though).

Lots of love,

Dom

Dear Insects (and arachnids*),

Thankyou for your interest in lodgings Chez Dom. While we are delighted that you feel that the modern styling of Chez Dom provides the kind of environment that you would choose to live in we are afraid that accomodation is provided on a short term basis by invitation only and is only open to bipedal mamals. Unfortunately this policy means we will be forced to evict you. Rest assured that at Chez Dom only the best will do and the complimentary dose of insecticide you have just received* is most potent. Please don’t hesitate to expire outside. Once again, thankyou for your interest in Chez Dom.

Yours,

The Chez Dom Management Team

* Please note that most arachnids will not recieve a dose of insecticide but will instead enjoy a breif stay in an upturned hand made glass container before partaking in a free whirlpool spa session in one of the two toilets located at Chez Dom. Larger arachnids will simply be collected in the Dyson and smashed to death as they enter the dust collector.

Please note: Wasps are handled slightly differently in so far as they will recieve, free of charge, anything up to half a can of insecticide and, where possible, their family, friends, collegues, neighbours and loved ones will be hunted down and exterminated with extreme prejudice.