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So, to compliment my 2 chickens (Cassandra and Emma) and my two chicks [I think we sorted the ownership dispute on these] (Jess and Cat) I’ve bought a pig. When I say pig I actually mean a quarter share of one pig, and by quarter share of one pig we really mean 3/12ths of 3 pigs the reason being that I cannot be guaranteed to be getting mean from any one pig and it’s all going to get all muddled up when it’s dished out (for Gods sake, don’t let your friends marry lawyers, they get even more picky than they used to be). Anyway, I don’t care. I’ve bought a pig, I’ll be going to meet this pig at some point in the near future and then the pig is going to get killed, chopped up and eaten by me (and, given the amount of pig I’m likely to get, lots of my friends).

While naming chickens after people is cool, naming pigs after people might be taken the wrong way thus my current animal name is being saved for something else and I’ll throw the floor open to you lot to name the purchased portion of porcine parts*. If no suitable name can be found the pig will be named ‘One Eight Zero’ for no other reason that I’ve been listening to a few remixes of that song while writing the post.

*Name will not be official, and will only be used by me and readers of this blog. The keeper of the pigs reserves the right to call the the pigs whatever he pleases. The actual pig, as an entity, does not exist and is a anthropomorphic personification of my partial pig purchase. The price of the pig can go up as well as up. Your home may be at risk if you do not maintain payments on your pigs or other farm animals secured against it. Nothing in this document is to be constituted a legally binding document between myself, my readers, the owner of the pigs or any other individuals. Your statutory rights are not affected. The judges decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into. No purchase necessary.Terms and conditions apply. Caution: Hot. May contains nuts. Not suitable for vegetarians. Post contains 15% of your RDA of drivel. Offer only valid while stocks last. One entry per household. Made from 25% recyclable goods.