domdavis.com

I really think i need to go shopping as I’ve managed to reduce my shopping list to one entry: everything. Dinner tonight will be spicy pickled onions if I don’t. Tempting prospect but without cheese, and possibly a nice crisp green apple a little unfulfilling… and I think I’ve just worked out what dinner will be

Clicky for bigger version.

One of the guys at work gave some of my pictures the lolcats treatment

It’s 21:47 and I’ve done nothing but eat crap and play Magic Pen

And when I say crap I mean crap. I was supposed to go out and shop (got absolutely no food in the house whatsoever) but I never quite got round to it so dinner has consisted of 1 x lollypop, some x sherbert and 10 x megasour sweets.

On the plus side I now have more Grendel

Hmm - going to leave the last 2 sour sweets and have another lolly - they’re just a little too sour.

So this Saturday we were blessed with a young boy (early 20’s if that) swaying by the bar with his trousers fashionably hanging round his arse… except he was now too pissed to keep them up… and they fell down, in the middle of the pub. I’ve never understood this thing of having your trousers nearly falling down all the time, especially given the ever present danger of them falling down. If anyone could explain why you do this I’d love to know (and yes, I’ve heard the theories, I want a yoof who actually does it to explain it).

The Inland Barsteward Fornicating Revenue (now known as Her Majesties Custom, Excise and Blood Letters) just make it that way.

What they say.

What they mean.

We need you to fill in this form by 30 September 2008 please, so we can check if

• you paid the right amount of text last year - the tax year to 5 April 2008, and
• your PAYE tax code for this year - the tax year to 5 April 209 - is correct

Fill in this form, making no mistakes by 30 September 2008 so we can

• make sure we’ve screwed you for enough tax last year
• can fine the hell out of you for whatever we want

If your circumstances have changed, and you think it may affect the tax you pay, please tell us now.

If your circumstances have changed, we think they’ve changed, someone you’ve never met thought about them changing then tell us now so we may take your firstborn in punishment.

If you do not fill in this form you may pay too much tax or not receive what is due to you.

We know you’re trying to hide you ill gotten gains from us, admit it now and we’ll only fine you, retroactively, with interest, and no possibility of appeal. Please note that unlike any other form of penal system we’ll consider you guilty until proven innocent.

If you have paid too much, or too little tax we will contact you again. Otherwise, we may not contact you for a year or so - until we need another one of these forms.

We know you’ve paid too little tax. Even if you haven’t we’re going to chase you for it. We’re not going to tell you this for several years so we can rack up massive fines, interest and other putative payments. If your accountant somehow manages to prove you’ve paid too much tax we’ll take forever to pay it back and not pay you any interest on it. You will be happy about this.

When you have filled in the form please sign the Declaration overleaf and send it back to us in the envelope provided.

When you have finally misunderstood our incomprehensible rules on filling in this form sign it, in blood, and send it back to us as irrevocable proof that your soul now belongs to us.

It is important that you tell us now about

• any new kinds of taxable income, or
• if you think you are not paying enough tax on your existing income, or
• if your tax claims are no longer relevant.

This is because we can charge interest penalties if you leave it too late, or if we find out by some other means.

It is important that you tell us now about

• any new kinds of taxable income, or
• if you think you are not paying enough tax on your existing income, or
• if your tax claims are no longer relevant, or
  
• anything else we deem relevant, even if we don’t tell you we need to know

Notice how we don’t care about any changes that mean you’ll pay less taxes. We wont even acknowledge these changes, we just care about bleeding you dry. Notice if you do find out through other means (i.e. simply making it up) you will be liable for putative fines and you, your children and your childrens children will be persecuted and hounded until this end of time.

If you circumstances have changed significantly we may ask you to complete a Tax Return in future.

If you circumstances have changed significantly we may ask you to complete a Tax Return in future, although we may not tell you for some years, allowing fines, interest and other punitive penalties leaving the onus on your to prove your innocence.

I got very little sleep last night courtesy of notwork rail who seem to be spending months using heavy plant and noisy equipment to do something to the same bit of track. Why they can’t do it during the day I don’t know as its a bloody siding!.

I’m also having a bad hair day.

I’ve relaunched somewhere random as a place to show all my photographs. notes from… is now a photography blog, images from… a gallery of my photos and somewhererandom.com a portal to the two. I’ll be adding photographs at quite a pace for the first few weeks as I’ve got a fair few old ones to upload, after that I’d just add it to your RSS reader as updates will really depend on how often I get my camera out and take good photographs (could be a while as the camera done quench at the moment).

As promised pictures from my recent holiday can be found in the cromer zoo section and in this blog post.

Enjoy

cute bartender is seeing someone Apparently if she wasn’t she would go out with me, although I suspect the freind in question (they got bored of waiting for me to ask) was just trying to soften the blow