domdavis.com

I’ve had just about all I can stand with this cold. As we know, given my lack of cocopops I have been trying to carpet bomb the thing into submission with a vast array of pills which has worked to a limited extent but is not the worlds best idea. So we’re stepping it up a gear. Behold, my new medication regime (thanks to Blue for the idea):

Die cold, Die!

(And, yes Mother, I am aware you will disapprove, but… tough )

I do daft things. Regularly. It’s what I do. I currently lack people to do daft things for so it’s kind of leaking out (I’ve been buying people random stuff of late for no other rather than I can and that they [knowingly or otherwise] asked for it - sorry Pinky, you’re not the only one ). Anyway, we need some way of channeling this. I have something ridiculously stupid planned for 2 weeks time which will cost me money so the idea is to try and get it out of my system this weekend thus saving me the money for… probably more stupid things to be honest.

Anyway, to the task at hand. As well as the girl that we are currently besotted by we also have a bit of a thing for our bar tender. To date this had lead to small things like grinning like and idiot every time she serves me, being utterly hacked off when the other bar staff see me waiting and serve me (damn you and your recognising me as a regular now) and buying her at least one drink a night when I’m getting a round in. Yeah, regular Casanova, I’m aware of this.

Now, I’ve had my mates on the case for a while and they’ve been making a few [hopefully, but with this lot you never know] subtle inquiries and we think we know her name (Jess), her age (22) and she might possibly be single. Good, solid hard pieces of gossip and hearsay to work on. Armed with this knowledge I thought I might ask her what her name was and see what she said, so last Friday I toddled into the pub, greeted her with a cheerful “Hello!”, a big smile, asked for a Lemonade and informed her that I would trade her a drink for her name (yes, thank you, I’m not very good at this, you can stop sniggering in the back row), she said, “Oh, I don’t know… Rumpelstiltskin.” We suspect she was lying but we bought her a drink anyway. Later conversations (well, quick chats while she served me) revealed that she was tired and needed sleep.

Now, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say my chances of ever actually going out with her are somewhere between 0 and possibly 0%. Maybe even as high as 0%. This puts me in a nice position whereby I have already, in my mind at least, crashed and burned in spectacular fashion and would need to work hard at making more of an idiot of myself than I have already which puts The Fear (you know, that crushing fear that if you go talk to someone they’ll laugh in your face, empty a drink over you and leave you humiliated in front of everyone… or is that just me?) at a level where we can do things like, I don’t know, ask for their names (yes, I’m that bad at this).

Anyhoo, I’ve decided she’s getting a valentines card. I was going to go for getting a rose delivered, but there are logistical problems such as not knowing where she lives, if she works at the pub during the week, if her name really is what I think it is and so on and so forth, besides, that would be anonymous whereas a card is more, well, rash. We’ve already decided that the name on the outside will be Rumpelstiltskin and I may well take two cards (one with what we think her name to be on the inside and one with no name on the inside) in case I can confirm that, and how we shall actually present it. What we need to work out now (and this is where you lot come in, especially the laydeez, I suspect the blokes suggestions will simple convince the fairer sex that their already low opinion of us is well deserved) is what to put inside the card.

I don’t want to say anything too overboard like ‘I love you’ since we don’t, but then we don’t want anything too casual so she just thinks it’s all part of some hilarious prank or joke, however, being able to interpret it as some hilarious joke might be a useful get out clause if it goes horribly pear shaped. I don’t really do poetry and you’ve seen the kind of stuff I listen to so lyrics are possibly out (yes, I could find some that, in isolation would work, but if she knows the rest of them it’ll backfire something chronic. Just look at the first and last lines of (N.F.B) Dallabnikufesin by Anthrax: “We fell in love at first sight, I can’t explain the feeling when I first saw you”, and “She got hit by a truck!”). So, suggestions in the comments section please. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Oh, and with regards to the other girl, I’ve got that one under control but I’m pretty sure there my chances are about on a par with me winning the loto jackpot. Twice. In a row. Without having bought a ticket. Go me

Right, I’ve decided that my current method of carpet bombing my cold symptoms with bucket loads of drugs in combination with everything else I need to take is probably a recipe for totally boxing my kidneys which, on scale of 1-10, probably rates a ‘totally bloody stupid’, so work have been politely told where they can stick this particular work day and I have taken steps to recover. In an ideal world these would be as follows:

• Languish in bed having brow mopped
• Consume 1 or more bowls of coco-pops
• Get lots of sleep

This is beset by a number of problems.

• There is no one to mop my brow
• Using my laptop in bed is uncomfortable for extended periods of time
• I have no coco pops
• The builders are making a lot of noise
• I’m drowning in snot

So I’ve given up, made some non coco pop based food, got dressed[ish] (i.e. threw some combats and a hoodie on) and am currently noodling about with the internetweb and debating about  watching TV or crawling back into bed and attempting to get some more sleep. I hope to feel more human by about 5ish because I want to go to Tai Chi tonight. A shower and a handful cold & flu pills, decongestants and painkillers should do the trick

So, the single version (which I think most of you will like):

And the Blutengel remix which I prefer:

either way, awesome song

So Pinky mentioned on her blog that she was after some necklaces and asked for the men reading the blog to buy them. Now, we know she’s not single (she’s moving to Spain with her bloke ) but basically we’re that desperate to get women to talk to us (my excuse and I’m sticking to it) that I took her up on her request and called her bluff. Well, you can see in the comments how it went. Some (not many) quids and 24 hours later and Miss P Jellybaby (as we were not quite on first name terms yet) got her nice necklace. I promptly forgot about it (some sort of problem with becoming a drooling idiot over a girl over the weekend or something like that).

Anyway, today as I was about to tuck into my [free] banana I got a call from reception. Apparently some cakes were being delivered for me. My first thought was perhaps this girl from the weekend had changed her mind, had tracked me down and was buying me cakey goodness as a precursor to jumping me then asking me to marry her, then I realised this is planet earth, muttered something about Bathgirl buying me too much stuff and toddled off to claim my cakes.

Of course, once I got to reception and discovered it was cupcakes I suddenly remembered my random necklace purchase and twigged it was Pinky saying thank you. The card confirmed it (and put us on first name terms… well, I now know her first name, its tough if she doesn’t want me to use it when I email her ). My banana was promptly forgotten about and cakey goodness was descended upon as a starving man descends on his first meal in days. Cup of tea washed it down nicely.

Pinky, we salute you

I love Jif Lemon Day. There was a time, a dark evil time, when my mother kept forgetting that it was Jif Lemon Day and we would be without pancakes. Obviously this wouldn’t do so I went and did the only thing I could, learn how to make the bloody things myself. I shall now impart that knowledge so that others may partake, even if they’ve lost or never had it. Note, the knife block shown in this article is not required for the preparation of pancakes and is only included as it lives there. 

Step 1: The Preparation

You will need the following: A mixing bowl and a spoon

The following are useful: a small bowl (in extremis you can just measure direct into the mixing bowl), a sieve (can do without but you’re going to have lumps no matter how careful you are), scales (although it is possible to do without them), a whisk (you can just use a spoon, or, if you’ve got one a hand held whizzy whisk), a measuring jug (this is actually used for pouring so if you don’t have one you can just decant from the mixing bowl).

For every 3-4 pancakes you’ll also need:

4oz flour
1oz sugar (you can reduce this if you’re on a diet or want savory pancakes)
1/4pt of milk (I tend to go by consitency rather than a fixed amount)
1 egg

Place the small bowl on the scales, the sieve in the bowl and zero the scales. Measure out 4oz of flour (4 heaped tablespoons if you’re doing this by eye). Sieve the flour into the small bowl, then sieve the flour into the mixing bowl making sure the flour gets lots of air (basically hold the sieve up, but be careful not to throw flour all over the place. Repeat with the sugar, although that only needs to be single sieved into the mixing bowl and doesn’t need air.

Take the egg, place it into the mixture making an indentation, then break the egg into hole. Now pick out all the bits of eggshell. Add a splash of milk.

Break the egg yolk and start mixing the dry ingredients with the wet ingredients slowly from the center with a spoon. As the consistency gets stiffer add a little more milk. Once you’ve got everything mixed together move to the whisk (if you’ve got one), adding more milk until you have the desired consistency. This should be slightly thinner than shampoo Too thick isn’t a problem, you just end up with American style pancakes, too thin is a disaster. Go easy. Decant into the measuring jug. If you have an uberwhisk now is the time to go mental with it and get the mixture nice and smooth. I also use this time to fine tune the mixture adding the last bits of milk. Leave to stand.

 Step 2: The Standing

This step is often ignored (especially by men) but is vital to effective preparation. You will need a washing up bowl (or just a sink at a push), washing up liquid and some form of sponge or cloth.

Apply a small squirt of washing up liquid to the washing up bowl (or direct into the sink) and fill with hot water. You should end up with a nice foam on the top. Take all dirty items and using the sponge or cloth liberally apply the soapy hot water to all parts of the dirty items. If you start with glassware first, then in order of how heavily soiled the items are it keeps the water cleaner for longer and stops streaks on the glassware. Only wash one item at a time. Putting too much into the bowl just makes life awkward. Feel free to add any other dirty items that happen to be about, you’ll see I’ve throw a few into the mix just to spice things up. If the water is still hot when you’re done then keep it, otherwise sling it, but you’ll need to prepare a fresh batch in a little bit.

Step 3: The Cooking

Ah, the fun bit. You will need a pancake griddle and griddle cloth (or if you must a frying pan and some kitchen roll), some from of spatula thing, oil, some kitchen roll a plate to put the pancakes on and a clean tea towel (men, if you do not have a washing fairy, or your washing fairy is on strike, please refer to the washing machine to procure a clean tea towel. A picture of a washing machine is provided for reference but instructions on its use are beyond the scope of this article).

Apply a small amount of oil to a folded square of kitchen roll. Oil the griddle (or pan… actually, no. Put the pan away and go buy a bloody griddle. Philistine. And get a griddle cloth while you’re at it, you’ll ruin it otherwise.) by wiping with the oiled kitchen roll. Depending on the griddle you may need to repeat this every pancake or every other pancake. Heat the griddle over a medium heat.

Pour a small amount of batter into the center of the griddle then pick the griddle up and tip it so the batter spreads evenly. If you feel the need to use some kind of wooden stick thing to spread the batter very evenly and thinly then sod off back to France. These are pancakes, not crepes! After a minute or so you’ll be able to run the spatula thing round the edge of the griddle gently teasing up the pancake. Toss the pancake (if you have to turn it over using the spatula thing pack up now and go get some McDonald’s or something. Useless!)

Once your pancakes are done decant them onto a plate with the tea towel on it. Fold the tea towel over the top of the pancake to keep it warm while you make some more. If you have others round they may well want to tuck in straight away. Depending on your temperament you may allow this, or you may take any number of the knives from the knife block and stab the greedy gits to death. If you do go for the former option you will need to have sorted the next section before attempting the cooking. Note, the once the last pancake is poured you can wash the measuring jug while it’s cooking on one side. Once the pancake is flipped the spatula thingy can also be washed while it’s cooking on the other side. Wipe the griddle down with the griddle cloth. If you put it anywhere near a washing up bowl I’ll beat you to death with it. In fact, you don’t touch my griddle. Ever. Got that? Excellent. Leave it to cool.

Step 4: The Serving 

You can just taste them! You will need: A plate and cutlery for each person involved, toppings of your choice. I’ve gone for butter and honey, but tuna mayo is good for savory pancakes and sugar and lemon juice for plain pancakes. My personal preference it to eat at the table (and yes, I do actually eat at the table every night, and now I have candle lit dinners with flowers every night… would be nice to have someone to share it with, but thats drifting from the point a bit) so lets lay that properly.

Step 5: The Eating 

Apply the toppings of your choice, then roll the pancake up. Using a knife and fork (because, lets face it, we’re not chimpanzees) cut off a section at a time and eat. Yummy.

Step  6: The Clearing Away

People so often skip this step (again, it’s often the men) but it doesn’t take long and polishes off the night.  Using your [possibly newly acquired] washing up skills wash up the plates, cutlery and other sundries. Put the toppings away and, if it’s cool enough, the griddle back where it lives (bottom drawer… No, under the tea towels… and don’t just throw them back in). The tea towel and griddle cloth can be put in the washing basket (you do have one don’t you?). Any extra mats or trivets on the table can also be cleared, but you may want to leave the candle if you’re going to continue using the room that night. Empty the washing bowl, wipe down the surfaces and you’re all set. Wasn’t that hard was it?

I do pancakes for people on request, you just need to ask and we can organise a mutual time for you to come round. Obviously the cuter and singler (is that a cromulent word?) you are the higher priority you’ll get over other things I may want to do. For example, there is a certain girl I’d ditch my own parents for (sorry ).

I’ve just noticed that emailed posts have a lot of sprurious new lines in them. Will have to look at the code and see if I can’t fix that. In the mean time you’ll just have to live with it .

So I’ve installed WPhone on all my blogs which has resulted in a
massive increase in the amount of shite I now spew forth onto the net
(not helped by my new blog which is even more random and pointless
than this one). It does have a nasty tendency to crash Safari on my
iPhone so I’m sticking to emailing longer blog entries when I’m not
at home.

I also can’t use my work computer to write email entries as troutlook
seems to put all kinds of crud into the mail and the disclaimer from
work gets published. This is a Bad Thing™. Nor can I email
photos from my iPhone, again because Wordpress doesn’t like the
format. Annoying, but I can do these posts from home. If things look a
bit skew chronologically it’ll be because some posts just have to
wait

Dom

Sent from my iPhone (cos I’m a flash git)

I was made at 4:55pm on a Friday afternoon. How do I know this? Well, I’m very badly put together with poor wiring, dodgy plumbing and extra bits just thrown in willy nilly. So it’s not as bad as some people (my dad has a carrier bag full of drugs to keep him going) but this was my breakfast this morning (photo fuzzy due to crap camera on iPhone, it not coping well with macro mode and me not wanting to advertise the exact drugs I’m all to all and sundry ). I’ve cheated slightly as I have a cold today, but then again the pill count would be up by 2 if I had stones (with the wussy pain killers being replaced by serious ones) and by 3 if I had a full on kidney infection. The sodding great multivitamin pill gets taken first, the rest are just thrown down my throat in one handfull.

Must admit, it reminds me of a line from Scrubs when J.D. asks Dr. Cox about the correct dose of Tylenol to give a patient: “It’s Tylenol! Regular strength Tylenol! Take a handful, throw it at the patient, whatever sticks is the correct dose.”

The Video Game Addiction Scale, or “VGAS”, is a standard measurement with concrete guidelines written both for the general public and licensed physicians to help understand and cope with the varying levels of video game addiction. This is a common problem among the youth, and increasingly, among adults 30 and older. The scale ranges from “NA” (Not Addicted), to “TD” (Total Dependency) with associated numeric values. When a subject exhibits symptoms that cohabitate positions on the scale, the treatment option for the numerically higher scale position should be used. Note that the scale is used in relation to a particular game. If a subject is enamoured with multiple games, sum their scores for each game together, then divide by the cubic root of the number of games played.Notable Scale Positions

0 - NA (Not Addicted): Subject plays game for 0-4 hours a week on average, no longer than 1 hour consecutively. Exhibits no behaviour indicating physical or psychological discomfort when not allowed to play game, and little to no desire to play regularly if activities are not restricted.

Sample of games most often found played at 0: Children’s games, most online “Flash” games

1 - CP (Casual Player): Subject plays game for 3-6 hours a week on average, no longer than 2 hours consecutively. Exhibits no behaviour indicating physical or psychological discomfort when not allowed to play game, and little desire to play regularly if activities are not restricted.

Sample of games most often found played at 1: Simulators (including sports, flight, etc.), Fighting games

2 - CG (Casual Gamer): Subject self-identifies as a “gamer” in general if prompted, and rarely self-identifies as a player of game as a personality trait, and will play game between 4-10 hours per week on average. Exhibits no behaviour indicating physical or psychological discomfort when not allowed to play game, and a normal desire in the context of a hobby to play regularly if activities are not restricted.

Sample of games most often found played at 2: Very wide array of genres at this level, though single player First-Person Shooters have a statistical lead.

3 - G (Gamer): Subject self-identifies as a player of game and usually of gaming in general as a personality trait, and will play game between 1-3 hours per day on average. Some games which have unusually high time demands over few days in a week (usually online multiplayer games) may result in subject playing for extended periods at this level, but total time per week may not extend past 16 hours per week. May exhibit minor physical or psychological discomfort if not allowed to play, possibly exhibited as a short temper or a simple longing to play game. Indicates a strong desire to play game when primary self-identified life objectives are being met.

Sample of games most often found played at 3: Very wide array of genres at this level, though Real-time Strategy games have a statistical lead.

4 - HG (Hardcore Gamer): Subject self-identifies as a player of game as a major or defining part of themselves. Subject will play game for 16-30 hours a week, in stretches as long as 8 hours without breaks. Experiences discomfort at the thought of being restricted in their play, and will likely become physically and psychologically agitated if prevented from playing. In addition to time spent directly gaming, may spend many hours at “fan” websites, or on internet forums, discussing game in-depth. Subject will give up other activities to pursue in-game achievements, of which the action of giving up may or may not be regretted.

Sample of games most often found played at 4: Multi-player First-Person Shooters, Real-time Strategy games, some Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games (MMOs). Games with large communities and rankings dominated this area.

5 - TD (Total Dependency): Subject’s principle preoccupation is game, bordering on obsession. Playtime greater than 30 hours a week, with physically unhealthy stretches, some of more than 24 hours straight being reported. The vast majority of subject’s life is spent devoted to game, with any other activities being entered into only through heavy cajoling or if the activity directly supports the ability, perceived or otherwise, to play game. Reacts with extreme discomfort at the thought of not being able to play, possibly to the point of violence. Will often attempt to hide the magnitude of play time from friends and family, and will distance themselves accordingly. Generally meets the DSM IV requirements for substance addiction if game is allowed to be interpreted as a substance.

Sample of games most often found played at 5: Almost entirely MMOs.

Treatment Options

0-3 No treatment generally needed, behavioural therapy can be used if subject requests, but change can usually be initiated without professional help.

4 Behavioural therapy is generally proven to be simple and effective at this stage. Support of friends and family can make all the difference. Regression is likely, but not fatal to progress. Anti-depressants may be discretionally used.

5 Anti-aversion therapy (the administration of negative reinforcement) may be used. Electric shocks may be administered as subject attempts to play, for example. Denial of privileges and removal of the ability to play can also be effective. 12 step programs similar to AA may be beneficial, and the resulting positive atmosphere conducive to finding new interests. A thorough regimen of anti-depressants is almost a necessity to prevent fatal regression. As a last resort, anti-psychotic drugs and tranquilizers may be used to curb the desire to play.

I used to be a 5 when I played WoW, probably a 2 now, although on occasion I’ve been known to do 8 hour stretches of gaming on a weekend if there is nothing else going on