domdavis.com

Look! It’s so cool. Pile of socks, which before would involve looking closely at each one, checking the top, the sole, the shade just to try to match it. No I match the colours (and they still stand out from my gym socks). Then when they go back in the drawer I know what order to put them in so they all get worn in rotation and wear at the same rate. How cool is that?

And yes, I’m brutally aware that I need to get laid.

Oooh - did I tell you I found a proper sweet shop in Colchester? It’s not as good as the one in Cromer (lacks the Ye Olde Sweetshop ambiance) but it has everything. I ordered a few things but there was a queue forming behind me so I left it at 1lb of sweeties I shall certainly be returning.

On the morning of Friday the 22nd of February at 0930 zulu a specialist crack shopping unit was dispatched to Colchester Town center. Primary targets were Marks and Spencer, Next and Gap. Free Spirit, BHS and Debenhams were also identified as secondary targets.

These strikes were precision guided using the latest in handheld shopping technology allowing for specific, surgical strikes and minimising collateral overspend.

At 1230 zulu, coupled with elements purchased during the morning raids Operation Sock was officially launched. Initial reports showed that all members of the previous Underwear Regime, from both the Sock and Boxers faction were captured or eliminated. Undesirable elements from other radical clothing factions were also targeted.

By 1300 zulu new, friendly elements had been installed in the Underwear Drawer. A blue on blue incident Marks and Spencer meant Operation Sock had to be hastely aborted due to the incorrect size being aquired. Less militant members of the old Sock Regime were reinstated temporarily under heavy sanctions including an imbargo on entry to the Laundry Basket or Washing Machine.

Hostilites had ceased by 1330 zulu. No coalition casualties were reported, however in some areas it was impossible to completely overthrow the old regimes so peace keeping forces were installed. This was most prevalent in the areas of Short Sleeved Work Tops.

On Sunday the 24th of Febuary at 1400 zulu the crack shopping unit struck at the heart of London reporting sucess in Marks and Spencer and John Lewis. Results from Gap were dissapointing, however no casualties were sustained and the operation was declared a sucess. An investigation is currently underway regarding gap as it appears initial reports on the prevalence of Mens Work Trousers (WMT’s) was over exagerated.

The Interim Sock Government was officially retired at 1600 zulu and Operation Sock was declared a success.

The new socks purchased feature coloured toes and heels. This allows for fair and easy rotation of socks, minimising excessive washing of any one pair and aids in pairing of correct partners should they be separated. The gains for the Dom Empire cannot be overstated.

It should be noted that the existing arsenal of Work Trousers has been retained, with the exception of one damaged pair that has been retired. These have been augmented with three more ‘Combat‘ class trousers bringing the total Casual fleet to six. The Dom Empire still has plans to further incease the Work Trousers fleet by two, or to invest in two Smart Combat or Smart Cargo class trousers which can be used in a multi-role capabilty. This is required to defend ourselves from the WMT threat from rogue states.

The following intelligence photograph has been declassified. Note the incorrect size of the socks. Due to the sensitive nature of the items and their classification as ‘combatants‘ they are being held in a secure detention facility rather than being passed to a charitable group.

Finally, there have been rumours of a covert black op being operated by the Dom Empire in the past 24 hours. Details are classified but I can confirm that Operation Wind Up You Lot has been a massive success. Sorry Bathgirl

“…will be unavailable due to Upgradation [sic] of London servers…”

This making up words crap that seems to go on in business has to stop. Productionize and productize were bad enough but upgradation? Some people just need a slap.

So, my news. I’m almost bursting with excitement. To think that little old me would have this happen is something I’d always dreamed of but I never really thought it would happen. Not like this at least. I think I can quite confidently state that this has changed my life.

I won’t lie, there were trials on the way. At one point I thought I had messed everything up and it had all been for nothing (in fact, I was nearly left in a dire state). Not everyone will agree with all my actions, in fact some of you may complain quite loudly, but I don’t care.

Of course news of this magnitude deserves a proper writeup with pictures, something I can only do at home so I am afraid, dear reader, that I must leave you in suspense for just a few more hours. If I may quote 2001, it is quite enough to say it’s “something wonderful.”

So yeah, as a few of you have pointed out I’ve not really been about much the past couple of weeks. Live with it

Anyhoos, it’s late but I’m updating my iPhone so I thought I’d bore you all senseless while all 162.1Mb of the update download and install.  “How?”, I hear you ask. Well, to be honest, I’d not really got that far, but I’m sure I can make it up as I go along. Lets list the things that have been good about the past 2 weeks:

1) Pate. Been eating rather a lot of it on toast. Good pate on toast with a bit of cucumber on the top makes a very nice, easy to prepare snack

2) Munchies. Munchies are just so cool. I’ve just devoured a packed.

3) Ferry Corsten Gig. Much bouncing around the dance floor like a complete lunatic for god knows how many hours. Will post about it later maybe.

4) Leaving Birmingham. I HATE that city with a passion, I hate the accent, I hate the architecture, I hate the train station, hate, hate, hate. Thankfully I was only there for just over a day.

5) Glow sticks.

6) New T-shirts (although one has a misprint and one looks a little too camp so I’ll need to get it redone)

7) My iPhone. I still love it to bits, and now its finished updating I can go put it in it’s little charging cradle whereupon it’ll wake me in…. ah, crap, 7 hours… *sob*

Oh, and I’ve spent more in John Lewis.

Oooooh - and there is really HUGE news which you need to remind me to tell you lot. Might even break the rules and blog from work.

Right, 1.1.4 is installed, I’m off to bed.

I have over 50 glowsticks

…who sent me the rose? (and appologies, but due to a cockup in the mail room I never got it )

Today I was, once again, vindicated in my view that vast swathes of the human race should be culled for the good of everyone.

I give up. I really do.

We’re going to miss you mate.