Worst Day Of The Year
OK, so this year is already sucking due to the impending lack of bonus and pay rise (do you think if I went to the Singapore government and sold them shares in me I could raise a few billion to cover the slight downturn in expected earnings this sub prime thing is causing me?), however, I wasn’t prepared for the amount of suckage that today was going to throw at me.
It all started just before lunch time. We got up to head out and noticed a brown envelope in the post in tray. My natural reaction to these things is one of fear, so to placate my natural worry I decided to see who the envelope was from and which poor sod it was for. Closer inspection revealed that it was from the HMRC (formally known as the Inland B**tard F**king Revenue) and that the poor sod was… you guessed it: me 
Anyway, it turns out that my delightful ex (who, after nearly 2 years probably still burns effergies of me on a nightly basis - not that I didn’t deserve it mind you) wasn’t forwarding on my post like I’d asked and I’d rather neglected to tell the tax man that I’d moved so they were rather wondering where I lived. I have now told them this information and wait with baited breath to find out just exactly how much they’re chasing me for, how much interest it’s racked up and how much of it is fines (what, you think they want to talk to me for something benign?).
While we’re on the subject of the blood sucking bar stewards (and forgive me if I’ve mentioned this before), why is it that we get excited about tax rebates? Here is an organisation that has stolen money from you throughout the year and is now, finally, giving it back to you. If, God forbid, they thought you owed them money they would chase you with demands, apply interest to the outstanding amount and probably apply lots of fines too. Not forgetting, of course, that you’re guilty until proven innocent with those buggers.
Anyway, my erstwhile employer (or at least some of it’s employees) managed to misplace something in the region of $14 billion an despite claims that I am a valued employee during these troubled times I rather suspect my valuable contribution is going to be rewarded with anything like money in the form of a bonus or pay rise. I’ve already budgeted for this rather substantial loss to the annual household income but if the dear old tax man decides I need to give them more cash I’ll be slightly skint this year.
That sucks.
I used to live in fear of IR35 - brown envelopes with 4 character codes in the bottom left corner still send a shiver down my spine today (and I stopped contracting years ago!)
Out of interest, did you not notice the lack of the annual “Hi Dom, we think you earn too much, would you mind doing a tax return” mails?
The last spat the tax man and I had was when I was still PAYE. They decided that I was due a rebate of £2k after I wrongly filled in my tax return. After they investigated it turned out I owed £2k, plus the £2k rebate that I’d already spent, plus interest and a £100 fine.
They are blood sucking leeches with no hint of humanity in my opinion.
The one thing that makes you lose the fear of the brown letters from the tax man, is the impending knock on the door from the bailiff. I hope it doesn’t get to that.
So you’ve been notified how little your bonus is going to be then?
Well, according to people who know more about this than I do my employer (as I am PAYE) should have told Her Majesty’s blood letters than I had moved when I updated my details with them. My excuse and I’m sticking to it.
I didn’t notice the lack of letters from them as I had had rather a dirth of letters fora couple of years now (when I was actually living at the address and during the time I had the postal redirect set up). Last I heard they didn’t want me to fill in tax returns any more.
We’re officially getting told how pants the bonus and payrise will be next Thursday, however, it’s been pretty strongly communicated to us that we’re getting dry humped this year.
Dom .. you are lucky you still have a job!
Lucky? I’m desperate to be made redundant, the payout would be great
But there’s only so long you can cling on to that before you finally have to leave. I reckon you have a year or so left in you before you hit that point. And this post reminds me I really need to fill in my tax return rather soon.
I think less than a year. Moves are afoot that means my cushy job may change and it could well be time to start looking around again. Got any jobs over there?
I’ll just add a sympathetic “meh”
HMRC have promised me a modest tax rebate this year for which I am pathetically grateful.
They have also written to say I don’t need to fill in any tax returns any more, so I am practically slobbering over their feet with gratitude.
What is this “bonus” thing anyway? Is it the same as having a lovely view out of the office window? I think I get taxed on that.
This bonus thing is where I earn more in one day than you do in an entire year for being fab (ok, so I’m over-exaggerating here slightly, but it does represent quite a substantial pay cut for me).
I can sympathise with mutterings of the arrival of small brown envelopes but I do have a solution….and after a long discussion around PAYE today more ammunition
Take one of the sharp shinies, go postal and kill everyone who works for HMRC?
/laughs well if you dont mind me nicking Godsend (which you know is perfect for me) BUT actually I was thinking of shaming them into submission… more fun.
Was thinking more of me going postal rather than you.
At least the UK tax system makes a little bit of sense. I may have complained before about the 2 tax systems here, normal and alternative minimum shafting. To that end Louisa and I just systematicaly over pay and use it as a sort of monthly saving plan with crap interst rates.
Still, looks like we’ll get lots back from them this year as apparently my mortgage interst is deductable, hopefuly that will plug the gap in the lack of bonus section of my accounts
Still don’t understand why the IFR can’t just get the details from work, my bank etc. Meh, we’ll see what they have to say.