domdavis.com

Canary Wharf (that large development with an unknown number of light bulbs) has, in the shopping part, a number of small Christmas trees (4ft tall or so) nicely decorated with baubles, lights… and signs saying ‘CCTV in operation’. They obviously have problems with people stealing the decorations. How sad must you be to steal Christmas decorations? That said, I want to go steal the signs warning of CCTV watching!

Dear Santa,

I understand you seem to have free reign to break into the majority of the Christian (and even some of the non Christian) worlds places of residence and, in exchange for food, drink and the promise of being good leave crud we don’t want. Let it be known that I have not been good this year (but then that’s OK, the year’s not exactly been good either). I case your helpers fail to pass this message on please note I take home security seriously and will be standing guard while heavily armed on the night of the 24th/morning of the 25th. Break into my house and it’ll be the last thing you do.

Lots of Love,

Dom

So the general reaction I get with my stance on Christmas is that I am being miserable, that I should get into the spirit of things, blah… blah… blah. Yes, I am going to have my first Christmas ‘alone‘ (i.e. no family and/or significant other) but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have fun. Far from it.

Christmas these days is a whole load of stress I could do without. Buying people crap they don’t want; receiving crap you don’t want; getting together for a session of too much food, which I’m not overly fond of (turkey is just dry, parsnips are the devils food, sprouts are so dull and boring, a standard Sunday roast would be much nicer); and enforced joviality which is usually strained to beyond breaking point by the end of the day (I’m fed up of Christmas day arguments with people over trivial things affecting the ‘perfectness‘ of the day - just go with the flow!).

So lets get back to basics here, what does Christmas really mean?

To me, 2 days off where I want to watch TV on my stupidly large HD TV with Sky HD (not a pathetic 12″ 4:3 CRT with fuzzy terrestrial, or a 28″ SD widescreen with the free sky channels - sorry Mum) play games on games consoles that are at my house (sorry everyone) and not get whinged at that I need to ‘be social‘. I will be seeing friends on the day and present opening (despite asking people not to I’ve got a few) will probably be done on Boxing Day.

And while we’re at it, let’s look at the presents. I’m insanely difficult to buy for, especially in my new place where everything needs to have a place. I earn more that most of my family put together, everything I want in the Christmas present price range I already own. From the consumerist point of view every day is in fact Christmas for me (except, ironically enough, for Christmas day since everything is shut), I get to give and receive and it’s stuff I really want. So the choices for my family are:

• Buy me crap which I’ll smile nicely at, go ‘oooh, how lovely‘ and then ditch at the earliest opportunity
• Buy me something disposable and/or edible which ultimately I wont remember past January
• Buy me something practical which is just dull for the person buying
• Ask me what I’d like and receive a list of ‘things I don’t want badly enough to buy myself or things that I don’t want badly enough to have to buy now‘

OK, so I’m being overly cynical, but you all know I’m right. Presents I have liked the most have in fact been the most basic (for example a washing basket full of individually wrapped kitchen and washing items - never has receiving fabric conditioner been so fun). The difference between me and most people is I’m being honest about the whole thing and I don’t need to hide my consumerism behind some pagan festival dressed up as a Christian celebration.

So be honest with yourself. Are you actually chasing after a day that hasn’t really been the same since you were under 10 or is Christmas really this magical time that somehow I just don’t get? Are you really extra happy or is this instance that I join in the festivities simply a cover for that fact that most of the joviality is enforced and that somehow insisting everyone be happy will somehow make it happen? Can you even remember all the presents you got last year? All of them? Be honest

So this morning I got up (after a nice long lie in reading the 1000+ blog entries that had built up over the week I was off) and decided I fancied spag bol for dinner. I usually make a whole batch of it so it’s really just a question of getting some out of the freezer, heating it up and slamming on some pasta. I’ve been looking forward to my spag bol all day… and now someone in the block is having roast which is causing a lovely aroma to waft through my flat and is making me want roast instead. What’s worse is I don’t have the wherewithal to create roast this weekend (I intend to remedy this next weekend when I get some home grown sheepses from Jas). Henceforth all nice smelling food (including anything cooked on my neighbours barbecue) is banned unless some is cooked for me too.

So my brother has been bitching that my anti-Christmas stance is selfish, although what he really means is he wants a gift from me which really goes to prove my point that Christmas these days is all about consumerism. Anyway, I’ve capitulated and purchased a small gift for each of my [exceedingly large and overly complex] immediate family members (over and above the stuff I already got for my niece and nephew because, lets face it, Christmas is for kids and it’s a little cruel to exclude them  for the sake of  principle).

I shall give everyone 1 years notice this time round. Everything I get this year is being reclassified as a house warming gift.  Anything I get next year will be classified as landfill. If you really must get me something then give the money to charity or something. I will not be purchasing gifts for anyone over the age of 18 next year.

Watching 4 blokes headbanging with Cellos has to be just about the most mental thing I’ve even seen. The apocalyptica concert was most fun and I’d recommend it to anyone (just for the sheer madness of watching them playing). Photo’s are a bit crap, but they’ll give you an idea.

It’s back! Yes, pointless posts about the clothes I am wearing have returned, although this time it’s t-shirts, hoodies and the like and I’m not wearing the clothes when they’re photographed (just because it’s easier basically). Todays ensemble is:

With a this hoodie:

Buggerit. My brother bought a new TV on Sunday (really nice one too, never thought I’d see him spend so much on a telly ) and was so engrossed in playing with it he didn’t hear my plea’s to change the channel when Slade came on in the background of one advert. So that’s it, the lunacy that is Christmas is now in full swing and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I was assaulted by Slade again today in Asda so there really is no escaping it. I did manage to make it to the 9th of December this year (instead of September, which is more usual) so I can’t complain too much, but I think part of that is to do with the fact that Slade is slowly being replaced by The Darkness for the ‘archetypal Christmas song’.

Despite all this I am still refusing to acknowledge anything special about the midwinter solstice period other than getting a few extra bank holidays.

Spork, the coolest word in the world (and, no, it’s not a fooon, that’s a silly word).

Right - new meme for all you blogged up people who read this blog. Bluesoup is doing a 10Km run for cervical cancer in order to raise money and awareness of something that is, unfortunately, all to familiar to her. Thus far she’s done a sterling job of raising sponsorship money and is [at the time of writing] just off the £1500 mark which is absolutely incredible. By her own admission, however, she’s running out of people to hassle. Which is where we come in.

Firstly, regardless of your presence, or lack thereof, on the internetweb, if you haven’t sponsored her: do so. Since you don’t need to buy me gifts and cards for the midwinter solstice period you’ve got some spare cash lying about. Link is here, credit card is in your wallet [blokes] or hand bag [laydeez]. I’ll wait while you do…

…all done? Good. Now, if you own a blog slap up a post hassling your readers to sponsor her. I read your blogs so I’ll know if you’re cheating :P  Get your readers with blogs to carry the meme on.

If you don’t own a blog then get your friends to read blue’s blog and get them to sponsor. If you meet resistance then threats of extreme physical violence are always effective. If they don’t believe you then point them to my collection of incredibly sharp swords.

If you work with me and know what a rolo is (not the sweet) then a one time gift of 1 rolo per £1 from the bot if you sponsor her (chat me and I’ll sort it out).

Right - I’m tagging all of you. Let’s see if we can’t get Blue to £10,000