Tis the season to be honest
So the general reaction I get with my stance on Christmas is that I am being miserable, that I should get into the spirit of things, blah… blah… blah. Yes, I am going to have my first Christmas ‘alone‘ (i.e. no family and/or significant other) but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have fun. Far from it.
Christmas these days is a whole load of stress I could do without. Buying people crap they don’t want; receiving crap you don’t want; getting together for a session of too much food, which I’m not overly fond of (turkey is just dry, parsnips are the devils food, sprouts are so dull and boring, a standard Sunday roast would be much nicer); and enforced joviality which is usually strained to beyond breaking point by the end of the day (I’m fed up of Christmas day arguments with people over trivial things affecting the ‘perfectness‘ of the day - just go with the flow!).
So lets get back to basics here, what does Christmas really mean?
To me, 2 days off where I want to watch TV on my stupidly large HD TV with Sky HD (not a pathetic 12″ 4:3 CRT with fuzzy terrestrial, or a 28″ SD widescreen with the free sky channels - sorry Mum) play games on games consoles that are at my house (sorry everyone) and not get whinged at that I need to ‘be social‘. I will be seeing friends on the day and present opening (despite asking people not to I’ve got a few) will probably be done on Boxing Day.
And while we’re at it, let’s look at the presents. I’m insanely difficult to buy for, especially in my new place where everything needs to have a place. I earn more that most of my family put together, everything I want in the Christmas present price range I already own. From the consumerist point of view every day is in fact Christmas for me (except, ironically enough, for Christmas day since everything is shut), I get to give and receive and it’s stuff I really want. So the choices for my family are:
- Buy me crap which I’ll smile nicely at, go ‘oooh, how lovely‘ and then ditch at the earliest opportunity
- Buy me something disposable and/or edible which ultimately I wont remember past January
- Buy me something practical which is just dull for the person buying
- Ask me what I’d like and receive a list of ‘things I don’t want badly enough to buy myself or things that I don’t want badly enough to have to buy now‘
OK, so I’m being overly cynical, but you all know I’m right. Presents I have liked the most have in fact been the most basic (for example a washing basket full of individually wrapped kitchen and washing items - never has receiving fabric conditioner been so fun). The difference between me and most people is I’m being honest about the whole thing and I don’t need to hide my consumerism behind some pagan festival dressed up as a Christian celebration.
So be honest with yourself. Are you actually chasing after a day that hasn’t really been the same since you were under 10 or is Christmas really this magical time that somehow I just don’t get? Are you really extra happy or is this instance that I join in the festivities simply a cover for that fact that most of the joviality is enforced and that somehow insisting everyone be happy will somehow make it happen? Can you even remember all the presents you got last year? All of them? Be honest 
Parsnips are nice. I kind of missed the rest of this rant…
OK thats not quite true. I think the last Chtristmas I enjoyed was when I was 9, and it was more about the general holiday than the day. The rest of it is a bit of a pain.
I have a suggestion for you, which I know you’ll find hard.. I am in the same position as you vis a vis buying everything I want as soon as I see it (though the way the barn is going that may not be true for long), so what I do is stop buying stuff in November, make a list of what I would have bought, and then provide it to those who would insist on buying me something. That way everyone is happy (well apart from the month’s delay). One thing to be careful of is that you dont give the same list to different people. Three copies of Die Hard 4.0 is not thrice as good.
Still, I am looking forward to Goose to celebrate the Midwinter Solstice.
I would like to be 5 years old … 5 was a good age to be (and I think it snowed that Christmas)!
The only things that really fall into the category of being cheap enough for Christmas presents are DVD’s and Games. I don’t buy many DVD’s because I only watch a few films over and over, the rest I am content with renting/watching when they come out on sky. Not really much point in asking for something that’ll just sit on a shelf and never get watch, and if I do want to see it over and over then I’ll already have it or will have been waiting for months for it to be released and won’t want to wait for another month. Games - no hope in me waiting. If I want to play the game I’ll own it on release day.
Parsnips are the devils work I tell you.
My best Christmas was when I was 4 and received the Hon. Sir John Bear, who still lives with me.
My best present as an adult was a small album containing copies of old sepia photographs of my family going back to the beginning of the 1900s. I still treasure it.
I keep asking for M&S vouchers but never get them!
We shall probably be having parsnips on the Friday evening before Christmas as we love them so much.
Devils work!
Cynical but probably right….
This year will be Louisa and I, no friends, no family and a set of presents almost pre-arranged so as to ensure avoiding the difficult ‘do you even remeber what I got you last ‘ type conversations at a later date.
There will however be an orgy of food given that I have the new shiney kitchen and Louisa will be working on Christmas day morning giving me time to cook in peace without the unhelpful interuptions of someone with the best intentions in the world.
Presents are accepted from others only in liquid form, and with an alcholic taint. Length of retention can vary from several hours to several years depending on form, content and likelyhood to improve in quality or value with horizontal storage.
Bevarages primarily malted in Scottland may not make it to the end of the day