domdavis.com

Today was always going to be a bad day. I won’t explain why, but I knew up front that it was going to be crappy. To counter this last Friday I bought myself a vast quantity of sweets, and I mean vast.

The phrase “Like a kid in a sweet shop” has never really made sense to me. Yes, they’re going to look around and, hungry look on their little faces, claim that they want everything, but the harsh reality of limited pocket money and competing demands for same means a child’s finances are never really going to stretch to anything but the smallest splurge.

Consider, instead, the same scenario with an adult in a sweet shop. Given this is a male adult the mental age will match that of the child and the reaction will be the same. The difference is very important though. The adult will purchase the sweets online with the use of a credit card. There is no human interaction to caution restraint, no incredulous looks from anyone to embarrass us into stopping and, most importantly, no arbitrary limits on how much we can spend (ok, so there is a theoretical limit of £3500 in this case but even I’d be very hard pushed to spend that on boiled sweets, lollies, sherbet and penny chews).

So, like a deranged, sugar crazed, overpaid adult in a sweetshop I purchased the following:

• 250g x Acid Drops (Mouth Puckering!)
• 500g x Aniseed Balls
• 500g x Pascalls Kola Kubes
• 500g x Sherbet Lemons
• 250g x Cola Crystals
• 250g x Lemon Crystals
• 250g x Lime Crystals
• 250g x Orange Crystals
• 500g x Fizzy Cola Bottles
• 60 x Fruity Pops
• 1 x Original Sharps Lemon Bonbons Jar (2.75Kg of Bonbons!)

Yes, that’s 0.75Kg of sherbert (which shall be eaten with the aid of the 60 lollipops)and over 5Kg of boiled sweets. So perhaps the jar of Bonbons was a little OTT but what the hey.

So how much for this little suger fest? You’d probably balk if I told you I’d spend £8.64 on sweets stating that’s way too much to by spending on glorious refined sugar. I’d disagree since that is the amount I paid in VAT. That little lot set me back £54.04 (plus £3.95 for delivery). It may seem a lot, but that sugary goodness will keep me happy for a long time [ok, a month at most] and would have helped today go slightly better… except it never arrived. I also have no idea where it is as the tracking like I was given for my treats didn’t work. It could be that our post room has the parcel and are just being crap at sending it up, or it could be that my diabetes inducing snacks have been lost in transit. Either way I was bereft of Nice Things at work and can only hope they turn up tomorrow. In the mean time I am heading home to crack open the stick of rock I had the foresight to buy when I was visiting the coast yesterday and have consoled myself by purchasing season 5 of scrubs on DVD (amazon’s one click ordering is a dangerous thing).

Hopefully the sweeties will be there, on my desk, when I get in tomorrow otherwise there will be trouble. And no, you can’t have any, get your own