First email
So, not to be disheartened by my first response from match.com I set about doing a search for women who lived in Colchester and who were likely to be real (I know, call me picky). There are some… interesting… ladies out there and I think I may need to spend an evening filtering the more unsuitable ones from my searches however I did find one potential match and fired off what was supposed to be a casual, witty, quick missive [but that actually took me about 90 minutes to write and probably sounds forced and stilted]. Here’s hoping she writes back 
Fancy wanting a “real” person. How ridiculous.
I know - but then I am demanding in what I want.
Fingers crossed.
You could also try searching farther afield. I found my wife in Alaska.
… and a chum in Oxford, who got married last year, found his missus down under (although she comes from Nottingham)